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[01 Feb 2006|10:55pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

tori's frustrated, like really frustrated.

i can't handle my feelings, and it sucks
i dont know how to get through everything
i never sleep, i can't
i can't stop thinking about things
i need to stop having panic attacks
i freak out alot, and i need to stop
i'm always frustrated, i need to stop
i need to haev no feelings
i wish i could be numb
i hate him but i like him. i dont know how to feel
i dont want to like him
i need to sleep more
i need to do my homework ah
i never finish all of my homework at night
i'm always rushing and i'm always procrastinating
i need a therapist, like really
i need to stop getting upset at tumbling
i need to stop being stupid.
i need friends, better ones
i love my friends, but i never talk to them
the only ones i like are basically sophia laura and michelle
well i like the others, but their aquaintances
i have no1 to talk to when i need it, and it sucks
i have no one to tell about my feelings
i have no one to help me through anything
i hold everything in, and im guna blow.
ah, i need help, like professional help.

i want to cry. right now.

7 comments|post comment

[18 Nov 2005|06:02pm]
i neglect live journal.

poor thing. .
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AHHHH =/ . . don't even bother reading [01 Oct 2005|04:06pm]
Okay so I haven't updated in like a hundred years, well not exactly, but close, it was before school even started. Lately I have had no time at all to do anything, which explains my neglection from Live Journal.

So yeah, basically what i do is School & Cheering, and More Cheering, and Tumbling. I love it, but its taking time away from my "friends" who i don't even know if they are my friends anymore. I have no time to hang out with anybody, because i ALWAYS have cheering, but like i can't really help it, and i don't know what to say to these people. Today i was talking to Catherine, and i was like yeah i feel like my friends don't even bother to try to hang out with me anymore because they just "assume" i have cheerleading and she goes "yeah", so basically thats what she does, and that like bothered me, yeah i have cheering alot, but almost all saturday nights i'm free, and if i have cheering you can still call me so we can hang out after or something? it just really bothers me that my friends make inferences without even knowing the facts. And like yeah idk cheering does take over my life, but i love it, and i wouldn't give it up for anything, i have wanted to quit before so i would have time for friends and such, but i just wouldn't be happy. But yeah after, i was still talking to catherine and i go. . not to sound like a bitch or anything, but i was just wondering do you even concider me a friend anymore? since we don't even hang out outside of school or am i just an aquaintance? and she goes, well i wouldn't completely rule you out. so basically my thaughts were right, me and catherine are now just aquaintences im guessing she thinks, but whatever i don't even care, i can't handle more stress these days.

I'm having ALOT of trouble keeping up with my school work, it's like hard. I have mondays from 4-9ish, and every other day from 230-atleast 7, and if i have pop warner those days then it's till eight or later. Which sucks. I have so much homework lately and i don't have any time to do it, and i also have to make posters, it sucks. I never study for any tests because i don't have time, and i don't even like know how to study. I endup doing most of my homework, but i didn't do my history homework twice last week. My grades are actually going pretty good though, math is my best subject again, but thats just because math just like comes easy to me. I am number 45 in a class of 394 kids, and i need to move down 6 people to be in the top 10 percent, and i really want to do that. In order to do that i reallly am in great need of time to do homework & studying, but i don't think that's going to happen any time soon.

YESTERDAY i WENT TO GYM AND MORE =) yay. It has been so effing long, i was so happy. I missed that place, but yeah i did my roundoff double handspring. it was pretty awesome. And i'm not scared of my roundoff single handspring anymore which is amazing. I saw brianna dipinto there, she's a good gymnast, i also miss her in latin class =( tear. But yeah my mom decided that in spring, since i believe i am quitting softball, that i can go to gym and more again, for like weekly classes, and i am going to do that during spring and summer. I just can't do it now or during winter because i have no time. Me and Emily decided we are going all of the fridays that we have saturday games on =) yay. In the winter I'm doing gymnastics, i believe. i hope it will be fun, it will mostlikely improve my tumbling. I think i want to lose some weight before then though=/.

ahh today was a wicked long day. Lastnight i slept over the coach of the team i trains house, pam. We didn't get there till like 1215ish because we went toiletpapering, and that took liek 100 years. It was kind of fun though. But yeah waking up at 520 was way fun? not. i got less than 5 hours of sleep but i guess its all good. Stef and me did some chicks cheer curls for the competition, then we went to my house so i could get some stuff, then i took my moms car and me and stef went to dunks. After that we went to jag where our girls were meeting. Seeing as the fact i was driving was illegal, we parked away from jag, and walked there. It was freeezing!. We all were meeting there around 645ish i believe. So we went in, and did some girls hair, then we went down to practice, and i told my ladies i loved them and goodluck! because i couldn't go to the competition. I then went home got ready and went to my game, it was a good game, we went against reading and won 28-7. Then me and emily went to the pop warner competitions. We got in for free because we were in our uniforms, we watched the Bs and they were really good, they ended up geting first- obv. Burlington B's were amazing also, i was jealous of some of those girls. After all of the B teams went we went on the floor with woburn and waited while the judges announced winners and such. Then we ended up staying for the A's competition, they didn't compete against anyone, but they still did good. LBH did awesome too.

So all of woburn pop warner teams are moving on to eastern mass
D1's and D2's(team i train) got the invitational thing because they both came within 10 points of the first place team. D1's were small novice, and D2's were large novice.
C team didn't compete against anyone, so they got first
B team did really good and got first
A's didn't compete against anybody and got first
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I DIED MY HAIR LiKE WHOA! [03 Sep 2005|01:56am]
LOOKiE!Collapse )
2 comments|post comment

i'm sixteen . . woot! [28 Aug 2005|11:45pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

it's my birthday bitch!

so okay, yesterday i had people over as a sort of "party" deal. . but it wasn't a party per-say it was more of a get together for shits and giggles, and like i haven't seen anyone in FOREVER so it was good. . so yeah, people came over, we ate drank and stuff. . it was fun. . i got some good presents, eventually my toilet broke? how??? no idea, but it sucked, but then i just talked to sophia and stuff in there, and some other time we went in there to talk also, i <3 her, but some of the talks kinda made me sad. . enough of that though. . but yeah Michelle, Laura, Catherine, Taryn, Sophia, Steph, Casey, Alicia, Meghan, Kelly, Emily, & Sara came, it was g-times. . and today i went to dunks w/ cat, then we visited laura at work =) and then i came home got ready and went out to eat with the fam-izzle for my birthday, i guess it was goodtimes. .

i'm sixteen, i can't believe it! =)

tomorrow after cheerleading i'm going to get my permit =) then i'm going back to cheering. . fun huh?

2 comments|post comment

[09 Aug 2005|09:06pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Today, was Stupid, & so was lastnight. I was very tired at cheerleading lastnight, and my roundoff backhandspring wouldn't work, at all =-/. And today i was real real tired at tumbling, i went to bed reallly late. . for some odd reason? idk i can never fall asleep & i woke up at 9. Because i wasn't sure if Laura and I were going to go for a walk today, so i got ready and such, and then it was 10, and then i waited a little, and at 11 i realized we weren't going, so i went back to bed till 1:30, then i got up. . showered and got ready, went to barnes & noble to get summer reading, and then tumbling. Tumbling was fun, kina. . except i was real tired, my backhanspring looked real bad, like i got over, but my tiredness was odd. And my roundoff backhandspring didn't work, untill on the air track i actually finished my roundoff and did it, and then it worked. . so atleast now i know the problem, then i had training. . where i have the little girls, they are progressing, but still not as good as i would like.

Hmm, i miss him =(

My mom is a beast, and drives like an ass. I hate it more than anything, and i hate the fact that she smokes. I had a chat with my girls i train today about smoking, it was odd . . but they were all like what grade are u in, and i was like im going into 10th and they were like DON'T START SMOKiNG and i was like oh don't worry about that, i would never smoke ciggarettes, they are totally disgusting. . and then i told them not to, because they were like poeople told me i would change my mind about it and all, and i had like a full out convo with 4th and 5th graders about how smoking is bad for you. It was odd, but cool, because they like look up to me aha.

I haven't seen my sister in like a week, exept for yesterday when she picked me up from cheering, and yelled at me because i was late, which was like totallly not my fault because my coaches kept us late. And she hasta pick me up tomorrow at cheering, and i hope she actually comes because she told me she would never pick me up again.

Hmm my mom lost her car keys at Roach Brothers today, totally uncool. She's so stupid sometimes, blahhhh.
So by tomorrow at 12 my mom needs her keys, aka my dad is going to make one at work tomorrow since he works at ford, and bring it to the house. And then i have tumbling at 12, and more tumbling at 1 and then idk what i'm actually gunna do.

- i have no friends on this thing. It's sad, i totally have one friend. So uncool. Add me =)

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STUPiD! [08 Aug 2005|12:55am]
[ mood | blah ]

AHH! I Just spent the past two hours trying to find LJ overrides to make my page pretty. . but it's still as ugly as can be, totally un cool =(. And this summer is very sucky, not gunna lie some days i love, but others are really bad. Like i go out maybe once or twice a week, and that is to people's houses. But i don't even mind it that much, because most of the time i am at cheerleading anyway. Cheering has become my like life, pretty sad huh? yeahh deffinetly. But yeah tomorrow me and Laura are going walking around the pond, should be good times. My mother is a beast and is making me go to the docs again tomorrow, i serioustly hate the doctors house, they want me on birth control which is stupid, and i guess i need like a blood test tomorrow about that ishh. But yeah, i don't like it, and i want to do gymnastics, and i love cheerleading and tumbling. . like more than anything. But yeah, idkkkkk.

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